I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
