I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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