You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
do nipples grow back?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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