Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
