Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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