hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
