Just took my morning after pill in the library
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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