if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
