Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
