Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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