i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
