i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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