Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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