Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
