I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
