Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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