Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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