Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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