Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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