What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
