So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
