the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
