batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
