see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
