arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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