i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
