The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
