HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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