I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
