Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
