Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
