Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
