i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
