I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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