Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
