I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
