I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
