you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I came so hard my ears popped.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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