dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Green mimosas i think yes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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