I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
