Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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