just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
