it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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