Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
