If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
