what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
