I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
