I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
