We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
