All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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