If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
